The Highly Sensitive Person: How to Thrive When the World Overwhelms You Paperback – June 2, 1997

This may be the best book I have read in years. Maybe a decade. I was a year and a half into a very stressful job with a bully boss when I found this book -- I'd heard about it for years but thought the title sounded girlie and wimpy so I hesitated to read it. I don't like gooey, emotional, sappy stuff. Well guess what... no sap here. Or at least so little sap that a person who doesn't like sappy didn't really notice. Instead I found a smart, astute, science-based book which explained to me why I was slowly dying at my job, why I could not sleep at night, and why I was so stressed at work that I literally could not stomach my sandwich at lunch but would almost throw it up every day (but I could eat at home) -- I was operating at a level of physical stress which was impossible for a highly sensitive person to sustain, and yet I was somehow sustaining it. (I am very stubborn.) Once I actually looked at myself, looked at my actual situation, stopped blaming myself for being "weak" and "broken" and "not tough enough" and stopped trying to be what I am not, I saw clearly that I was ignoring my physical body's symptoms of extreme stress and hurting myself bad. Reading this was a wake up call at a time in my life when I really needed it, and gave me enough confidence to finally stand up to my impossible to please, bullying, manipulative boss and just quit. I am going back to school and retraining to become a software developer so that I can work in an environment that won't kill me. Not everyone is the same; everyone has different physical tolerances. If you find yourself "too sensitive" etc, give yourself a break. You are not a clone of the extrovert next to you. Pay attention to your body and read this book. IF YOU ARE AN EXTROVERT, PLEASE READ THIS BOOK. If you are NOT highly sensitive, please read this book!!! I wish to God every human being would read this book so people could finally start understanding each other, and society in general would stop hurting those among them who are not built with the same nervous system that the 80% majority of humanity has!!!! This has nothing to do with race boundaries, religion, nationality... this is all about pure genetics and how our species (in fact how over 100 species on this planet) function. It's ground breaking work.

The Highly Sensitive Person by Elaine Aron, Ph.D. explains the inheritable trait of sensitivity in mainly positive terms. Her basic premise is to encourage a paradigm shift in the way leaders and thinkers view sensitivity - to go from believing it is a negative and shameful characteristic in a person to looking at it as simply a neutral quality that can be either positive or negative, depending on the manifestation of sensitivity in a particular situation.Some of my earliest memories of childhood revolve around a sense that I was deeply flawed in some inexplicable way. I spent inordinate amounts of time holed away in my bedroom (out of choice), just pondering life's meaning, the esoteric mysteries that no one seemed to understand, and generally imagining fantastic stories of grandeur and whimsy. Because I wasn't like other kids (and I inherently knew this), I thought something must have been "wrong" with me. And these negative thoughts of myself preoccupied much of my pondering, because I saw the way the majority of people lived, interacted, and what their preferences for company entailed, and I was different in some way.Flawed. Imperfect. Too shy. Withdrawn. Moody.Aron explains in her book that shy doesn't equal flawed. In fact, sensitivity isn't really shyness at all. There are many cultural misconceptions about shyness or inhibitedness, and Aron does a fine job at refuting those claims by redefining a general trait of sensitivity. Sensitivity involves physical, psychological, and spiritual awareness on a deeper level than the majority of non-sensitive persons experience.For instance, on a physical level, sensitive persons (or HSPs) will likely become overstimulated in a noisy, brightly lit, bustling setting more quickly than a non-HSP. We feel things more quickly and intensely perhaps. This goes for our emotions, too, and empathy is one of our greatest assets. But what I love the most regarding sensitivity and understanding it - myself - more clearly is that I am not alone and I am not broken because of it.I think Aron is right when she says that we need to start conversing with others about sensitivity in light of its benefits and assets instead of the pervasive Western view that it indicates some hidden neurotic component or an antisocial quality. She prophetically states that the world needs us. The world needs more HSPs to become leaders and emerge from the shadows, where we've been pushed for far too long.If you suspect you might be an HSP, or if you are married to one and tend to view his/her sensitive nature as flawed, read this book. It's an eye-opener, refreshing, and offers deep but practical insights into the realm of sensitivity. Aron's psychological research adds credibility and substantiates her premise about defining what sensitivity is and how it should be viewed.Included in the book are tips for talking about your sensitivity to teachers, employers, family members, spouses, etc. Aron also weaves practical advice and techniques for tapping in to your sensitivity throughout each chapter.